just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
