WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
