she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
