Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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