Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
