I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
