Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
