So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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