I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
