Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
