Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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