The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
