Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
