is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
