oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
