I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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