You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My vagina is officially offended.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
