Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
