i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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