You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
