Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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