TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
