I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You've changed since you got that strap on
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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