Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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