I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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