Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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