so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I love you. Go after that dick
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
