I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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