In the future we'll all be gay
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
