I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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