Tell her she can't have a vagina
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
