I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
