Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
