I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
