idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
