Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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