You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
