Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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