yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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