The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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