I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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