i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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