Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
