How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
