I need help removing her.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
