So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
