My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
