Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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