A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
