If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
