I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
