haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
