I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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